Pen Merah Pen Biru

Aku benci alasan. Dengan membahasakan diri 'aku', ketara aku sangat benci. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Rutin rehat tengahari. Dalam surau. Kot hitam buat selimut. Handphone berbunyi. Lagi. Lagi. Dan lagi. Lagi sekali. Bertalu-talu. Mesej. Juga adalah rutin. Bukan harian. Rutin setiap kejadian. Hari ini. Segalanya adalah rutin kecuali satu. Tiada perasaan mahu mencapai telefon. Menatap bait-bait kata. Walau dari siapa. Alasan. Alasan semata. Dua mata. Bermata-mata. Alasan. Berdiri di situasi yang sama dengan manusia di benua lain.  “Kenapa?” Kerana dia tak mahu. Kerana dia lebih mahu beralasan. Kerana dia sebenarnya tidak mahu. Rehat tengahari hari ini hujan. Senyum aku sendirian. Ya. Dia tidak mahu. Maka aku juga tak perlu lagi beralasan untuk menjadikan dia mahu. Menjadikan dia mahu dalam imiginasi sendiri. Segalanya hanya berlandaskan kemungkinan. Penat. Hujan. Biarkan aku lena sebentar dengan mahu  ku. Ku mahu istirehat. ps: Meeting tak ada hasil adalah membencikan memenyampahkan. [How people treat you is their ka...

Ogos beb! Makin kurang pulak entri. Ini pengakuan terlampau. Sampai sekarang, saya belum jumpa apa kelebihan dalam diri yang mampu saya tulis dalam resume dengan yakin. Konon 'can work under pressure' - Tipu Konon 'can work under minimal surveillance -Tipu Konon 'decisive' - Tipu besar Konon 'optimistic' - Mungkin bla bla bla.. Dan segala macam tipuan menggoreng. Kalau saya jadi staff HR, mesti ramai yang tak lepas. Al maklumla segala ayat-ayat kelentong copy paste dari google saya dah hafal. Cuma.. satu kebolehan diri yang saya treasure. Tak sehebat, tak sefofular, tak ada apa-apa. Tapi bagi saya ia berharga. Menulis. Tak segah mana. Tapi itu je yang paling saya ada. Kalau itu pun saya dah tak nak buat, apa lagi yang tinggal? Ini... merepek dah kan. Haha. Al-kisahnya sebab saya nak cuba menulis balik. Ohhhh mampu ke? Untuk menulis kena double up effort membaca. Tsskk Memberi ruhi kepada tulisan. Ingat senang ke ha? Kun fayakun kata Tuhan. ...

Saat dunia kembali ke kejahilan yang hakiki. Yang gelap pekat kotor dan likat. Itu waktunya Islam kembali. Menyinari. Kiamat sangat hampir. Itu pasti. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

June already! Kerja luar hari ni. Tak selalu dapat masuk office lambat.. (^^) June. Da setengah tahun and I did some reflection of my half year growth (in terms of work). I am behind the schedule! (T T). Lembab sikit tahun ni. Sebab tu tak suka nak tukar kerja baru. Tak suka tukar kerja baru masuk tempat kerja yang kena deal dengan saya-yang-menurut-perintah (baca badan-badan kerajaan). Saya-yang-menurut-perintah selalunya akan jadi saya-yang-akan-memerintah. Ye la kita ni kan private firm... I am lucky enough sebab kena birokrasi sipi-sipi je. Tu pun mengeluh la jugak. Semua orang main tolak kerja dekat semua orang. Semua orang nak bagi arahan dekat semua orang. Sangat serabut. Sejak saya balik Malaysia, ni tempat yang saya nak. Ada dalam education line tapi bukan mengajar. I dont have enough of everything (yet). Tapi saya boleh observe rapat-rapat our next generation line. wohoooo.. And I work closely with those who creates the system. Soooooommmuuucchhh more to learn though. Bu...

Lately.. Kita asyik emo je. Tambah-tambah bila pegang stereng pepagi. Kawan kita cakap, pepagi semua orang pun nak emo. Kat stereng kereta tu ada hantu agaknya. Bila pegang je terus naik hantu. Hahaha! Epik! and everything else lately. Tak best. Tak best. Jadi.. Saya telah lancarkan kempen untuk diri sendiri.. Drum rolllllll "7 days of happy day. Only Happiness is allowed." Jyeahhh! Selamat bergembira.. Let the negative peoples and negative things pass you by like a rubbish truck. Dont bother dont care. Tutup hidung, jalan terus. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

For the past year, I've been praying and hoping, wishing, longing just for you to come back and we can start all over again. You left with a heartbroken of yours and so did mine. And I never stop praying and hoping for you to come back. And you did. And i thought we can start over again. Thats what I thought. Maybe, what we thought. But, then something is different. And i'm amazed at how times can changed peoples so damn much. You are here. Handsomely, gorgeously maybe more than before. But i found something was lacking. And I finally learn something. True, Allah will grant your every single wish. Just say your prayer. And He also loves you soommmuch more than you could imagine. More than anyone could imagine. He grant your every wish but never he let you be by yourself. "nah amik kau. Nak sangat kan. Rasakan" Never. I've got what I wish. Allah gave me what I wish just to let me know that what I've been asking for all these while is not actuall...

Why did you come back? Why did you ever come back? After all the hardships I've went through. After all the mess you left me in. After all this while, why did you come back? And why did I ever care? You are digital. Either 1 or 0. And.. You should never respond to any of these. Ever. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Satu tengahari, kawan saya whassap, "abis tu kau nak stay ke?" 5 minit, 10 minit, 15 minit, blurr. Saya tak reply. Tempoh 15 minit untuk reply whassap satu ayat tu adalah tempoh yang lama bagi saya. "kalau kau guna term 'stay' utk tanya soalan dekat aku sekarang ni, susah aku nak jawab. sebab ada banyak benda untuk term 'stay' aku nak kena fikir. So, 'stay' mana satu yang kau maksudkan?" Sambil makan kuih cakar ayam. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

I do have flaws. Many. So what? I can't even even eat my meal properly until the end. So what? I love to speed. So what? I kind of attached to my phone. So what? I left my belongings often, misplace, losing, every now and then. So what? I never can do anything right. From your sight. Am tired of wiping these tears that you never seen. Will you suffer if i live my life as it is? Like I care even if you do. For cannot stand these flaws of mine, is your only biggest flaw that i cannot stand. Now that you know, this is my life, I won't be told what supposed to be right. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Dah bulan 3. Gigit sepuluh jari kuat-kuat! [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

"I got to a point where I realized that no matter what grandeur and good the future may have held for us, it could never take back the cowardice and apathy that I had seen before. I would never be able to erase that; I could forgive but not forget, and in not being able to forget, I would always see a different person." Link :  Getting Over The One You Thought Was The One [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

KENAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA????? (T T) [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Tetamu, datang bawa rezeki. Pukul 12.30 malam. Tak balik lagi. Sambil bercerita mengumpat membangga diri. Bercerita yang tak membina rohani. Tetamu. Cawan kopi dah kering. Keropok goreng pun dah masuk angin. Kami dah bawa keluar tilam bantal. Tak mengerti lagi? [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Mama suruh kite maafkan orang. Dan hidup lebih gembira. ps: I miss my daddy. (omputeh sangat nih) pss: haven't I? [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Haha! Saya gelak dulu kejap. Nak tau tak kenapa selama ni mesej ke handphone saya tak masuk? Notification dari celcom kalau ada misscall masuk voice mail ke pun tak masuk. Well, mestila sebab saya block. (=.=;) Alaaa ermmm sebab sebab sebab hari tu hari tuuu hari tuuuuu ada kes number tak dikenali ganggu-ganggu i nih kan.. (hekk sangat) Jadinyeee kan.. sebab rimas kan... i pun block la all number yang tak ada dalam contact list. Tak terfikir la plak celcom ke maybank ke pun tak ada dalam contact list. haha (gelak bodoh-bodoh) Haiii.. But I'm glad everything is fine now. (^^) Tak payah tukar handphone! ps: bak kata kak siti, belajar bertingkat-tingkat. tapi buta IT. LOL! [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Rutin sebelum saya start buka email office, saya 1) baca japantoday 2) baca malaysiakini Lepas tu saya sedih. Sebab malaysiakini, malaysianinsider, bla bla bla paper malaysia semua crap. Sarang fitnah. Paper free dekat office adalah Utusan Malaysia, New Straits Time, and paper2 yang erm.. puppet newspaper. Saya suka baca the star. Sebab lebih telus dan ada input. Sekarang dah tak sempat nak singgah beli paper. Tssskk Eh kejap. Handphone saya dah ok. (^^) Call pun dah ok kot. Happy tak? Mestila saya happy! Have a great day semua orang. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Rasa rindu la Tapi tak tau rindu apa Jom usha tiket flight. Sirih dah rindu ganggang. I'll treasure this moment, till we meet again [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

I got an announcement. My phone is not working well. Semua incoming call akan masuk voice mail directly. Dan tak ada sebarang missed call notification. Jadinye, saya tak akan tau ada orang call and masuk voice mail. Kalau bertuah, then you'll get through. All messages are blocked. Only several lucky ones went through. (=.=;) The only hope; 3G broadband is also now hopeless. Signal ada, tapi isinya tak ado. Oh.. Whassap is alive. Kalau tak berapa nak bertuah, 2,3 jam lepas tu baru dapat. Kalau bertuah, setengah jam je. So... this is it. I am now living in a real life for real. Thinking about changing phone. Tapi sayang la phone sekarang. tssskk ps: Boleh contact orang-orang sekeliling saya for any urgency. pss: Boleh contact orang-orang sekeliling saya kalau rindu. haha! [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Saya rasa, kedudukan meja saya ni tak bagus. Sangat tak bagus. Meja bawah air cond ni, selalu buatkan saya mengantuk. (=.=;) Salah air cond ke? [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Tadi saya teman officemate. Outstation area KL ni je. Kitorang lalu satu jalan ni namanya Jalan Madge. Kebanyakan kedutaan besar negara-negara dekat dunia ni ada dekat area sini. Bukan nak cerita pasal kedutaan pun. Ada satu rumah (?) istana (?) besarrr gile dekat tengah-tegah KL okay... Kitorang dua-dua kejakunan dalam kereta. Nak jugak rumah macam ni dalam syurga nanti... Saya gempar dengan bisik hati sendiri. ps: for the heart of a muslim does not lie pss: rajin pulak kite hapdet blog sejak2 da tak main fb ni kan. [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Link:   Australian PM says nothing he could do to stop Toyota pullout Sebelum ni ada kes rakyat Malaysia bakar bendera Jepun. Fine. Isu tu dah sejuk (kot) Cuba bayangkan kalau Jepun cut semua connection dengan Malaysia? Rezeki tu tuhan punya.  [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Morning. After nearly 2 years of becoming an adult (Adult: when you are working to earn your own money for your own living and others too), today's morning i overslept. Something to be proud with kan? haha Nasib baik tak kena heart attack masa tengok jam. Lebih nasib baik malam tadi saya sleep over dekat rumah kawan. And her house is just 5 mins (minus the traffic jam) away from the office. So roughly, saya masuk office just about 10mins late (tu pun sebab singgah cafe tapau breakfast). Lebih lebih nasib baik lagi, kerja tak payah punch card and tak payah isi attandance apa-apa. And bos masuk lagi lambat. So.. 99% harmless overslept. phewwww Dalam hidup, saya jarang overslept. Zaman student dulu, saya pernah bangun lambat masa pergi conference dekat Okinawa. Cikgu dengan senior saya dah gelabah. Call hp tak angkat. Call bilik tak angkat. Bilik hotel mana satu pun tak tahu. Bila tanya dekat abang receiptionist, abang tu cakap saya dah bangun sebab saya datang mintak pinjam iron ...

How i wish i could spit it all out. Who do you think you are? [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]

Annoying

Sejak 1 tahun 10 bulan dulu, saya selalu singgah satu blog ni. Seminggu sekali, 2 kali. Tak tentu. Bila teringat, saya jengah. Blog biasa-biasa. Cerita perihal kehidupan yang dah tak peribadi la kan kalau cerita dalam blog. haha Tak ada niat lain. Cari inspirasi buat ayat mungkin? Sebab blog dia dalam bahasa melayu yang tersusun. Dan, mungkin sebab paling besar, dia orang pertama dalam hidup yang saya jumpa berbangga dengan blog sendiri. haha "kalau kau google, search result yang pertama tu aku punya" perghh betul! Saya tak pernah tulis perihal blog orang lain dalam blog sendiri. Ish tercemar la duli i. kononnya. Lepas beberapa minggu, hari ni saya singgah lagi. Saya baca. Macam ada yang missing. Carca..marba.. Orang cakap tulisan dari hati mesti sampai ke hati. Hentah. Kita boleh teka tapi tak boleh baca hati orang. Kenapa entah saya tulis nih. 1) sebab dah lama tak update kot. 2) sebab tak ada benda menarik lain nak tulis 3) saya mengantuk dekat office 4) i need some ...

Kadang-kadang kita marah sangat. Marah sangat sampai kita tutup semua pintu-pintu, ruang-ruang untuk memaafkan kesalahan orang lain. Biarpun si pesalah (pada pandangan kita) benar-benar mahu meminta maaf. Kita dah tutup semua ruang, semua pintu, tapi dia sanggup panjat tembok kemarahan kita. Kita... marah.. sangat.. Agaknya. Tapi.. Kita lupa. Kita juga pohon maaf pada tuhan. Hari-hari. Kan? [How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours]